Color the Night.

for those that have been coming here looking for updates for the last 2 months, i apologize. i believe i'll be deleting this blog soon in the early weeks of the new year, to put my focus on a new website & photography.

this year has been a ride like no other. some things i wish i could take back, some i don't. there are alotta people that i should have met & never got the chance to & there are people that i know i will be meeting in the new year & then on. i'm not making any resolutions because its cliche & overdone - but i am saying this: some shit.. has got to change.

keep following for updates, links & other good things to come. you can follow me the closest on Twitter - @soopavillain_

pce.

*Ace

Flight Deck.

"..read me the right way before you start guessin'.."

*Ace

Foundation.

once again, i apologize for the lack of posts. since i've turned my blog into something more personal, alot more personal events have taken place.. packed my bags back in June & left VA & 4 & a half months later, imma be packing everything up once again to move BACK to the very place i thought i was tired of.

the Bible says "be faithful over a few things" & thats something thats taken me a little while to understand.. basically because i have a want to exceed expectations.. wanting to do more than what the average person can handle & handle it all well. maybe the Lord wanted me to slow down to see alot more things & have me deal with ME first, BEFORE dealing with all these other people that i'm going to dealing with soon. you can't help someone else until you help yourself.. but the way i look at certain things, you can't help yourself UNTIL you help someone else. may not be a clear theory to alotta people but this world is powered on a dollar & everyday, getting fueled less & less by love.

i'm going to be heading back to Virginia to hopefully start fresh on alotta things, personal & business wise, hoping to reconstruct my foundation on better organized principles, morals & basics - hoping to see everyone come January 2011 that kicked me while i was down this year when that time comes. i hope those same people have learned anything new when i see them again & respect my smile. i say thank you to the people that have been a support system through my surgery, ups & downs & just being genuine. you are greatly appreciated.

see ya'll soon.

*Ace

By Myself.

thats pretty much how it goes for me on the regular.. i've watched 60 days go by & i think i'm the only thats changed. the environment around me hasn't let up around me but i guess i'm still dreaming if i think/believe that it ever will. i don't dream much either so, i don't know how to call it, lol.

..its aight though. my time is almost up with this knee surgery recovery.. phase 2 is about to start. i already know who's ready.. & thats nobody.

*Ace

Still.

..still trying to just take it slow.. make sure that i'm taken care of before trying to take care of those who don't appreciate or wouldn't appreciate the efforts i'd show. one of the biggest changes is noticing that i've lost some weight since June, especially since i've had my knee surgery back in July.

some things have become a little closer in reach & some still seem so far away.. yesterday was one of the best Fridays i've had since June & i tried to soak up so much of it because it was more of a mental refuge more than anything. sometimes being distant from everything isn't a bad thing.. i'm just back in mix trying to find this groove i once was comfortable in.. "sincere inspiration is rare.." - something that i'm noticing. imma get it right though. got to.

*Ace

Missing.

lately, i've been kinda distant from a few things, as well as a people in general.. especially the ones that seem to not have any time to devote.. those are the same ones that were always looking for my time when i was always around. now that i'm not, its kind of discouraging to see that those same names don't come up on my Blackberry willingly. i've been under fire alot lately & the actual roots of everything i've been overseeing & dealing with, ISN'T even rooted from anything that i've done - its what i WON'T do that i've been getting grief. its even more entertaining, to say the least, when the problems that people have or had with me, none of them have been discussed directly to me & that makes me timid in expressing exactly how i feel. from anger, to impatience; from curiosity to unstable; from disrespected, BACK to anger.. right now i'm suppose to be trying to recover from this knee surgery but its getting more & more difficult as the days go by - not because of alotta pain physically, but emotionally & spiritually.. & those are key elements just like the physical ones, which no one around me is really taking in consideration. everyone has always seen me as a great asset, until i got hurt.. its almost like.. i don't know.. i've been used alot in my life & i just see history repeating itself & with me being rebellious towards it, THAT'S where the friction comes.

people never like it when you stand up for yourself & for what you believe in. people never really step back & stand in other people's shoes & think long enough to see why people stand up for themselves or voice how they feel about certain shit. its almost like they're scared that they'll get beat at their own game of munipulation or whatEVER their motives may be. alotta people really don't know what it means to have respect for self or good representation of self because either they've never had to do it 100% or just never been taught. i'm frankly tired of people..

i just wanna get lost somewhere right now.. like, i really just wanna run away from everybody & everything because its getting kind of hard to stay connected to the person i was before this transition in another location. i've kinda lost a little drive in having my own business & i know i've got the skills & everything for what i wanna do.. but the people & environment i'm in is draining me day after day.. hour by hour.. minute by minute. in some instances, its just like trying to pull teeth out of a shark's mouth.. sometimes i feel like i'm the biggest fish in the smallest pond but when i look at my circumstances & the court that i'm playing on, i automatically believe that there's gonna be more penalties than points score from me.. but as much as i wanna just run away, as much as i wanna just get the first plane ticket to Tokyo, or Monaco, or Berlin, or LA or Virginia Beach --- ..i can't - for one reason to another.. i woke up the other morning & wondered to myself was i going outta my mind.. imma find out soon enough.

*Ace

Recovery /// Day 41

i haven't really been blogging like i'm suppose to but this knee surgery HAS put me back on alotta things, so i apologize to my readers & followers of this blog & my work. thus far into getting myself back to 100%, i've realized & seen more & more each day that everyone & everything isn't & aren't what or who they seem. inevitably, i won't have to put up with some of the very things i was trying to get away from, too much longer but when you're pretty much stationary, time is slow & CAN be painful, as i've been experiencing.

right now i have plans for a new set of moves, with the consideration of my knee. i vowed that i'll take my time with alotta things & discontinue trying to satisfy others before myself, thinking that if i DO satisfy them FIRST, that everything will be okay for me.. sorta like tryna kill 2 birds with 1 stone.. in this case, the birds didn't die & now i have a 4-6 month injury to care for that no one but me & my girlfriend really cares about. i thank God for her right now 'cause i truly believe i'd give up on alot if it wasn't for her. the plans i have ready & willing to set in motion will probably once again has me lose a little more but its nothing new to me.. my peace of mine is more important, along with my health.

i've observed once again how people will show you exactly what time it is & sure enough WILL kick you while you're down, while looking the other way, screaming that it isn't them thats doing the wrong.. its amazing how i can see & hear change in one's eyes & one's voice.. actions speak louder than words. so with that, imma take my own advice.. *puts fingers over lips; fades*

*Ace

Reach.

i said i wasn't but i've got madd time on my hands & alotta unreleased material thats just been catching dust & i want the world to know (or at least the true, listening audience) to know of my music. this new tape is entitled "Without A Trace", meaning so much in such a little phrase.. meaning so much in my mind that can't be put into words. i'm known for disappearing on people without them knowing anything about my whereabouts.. thats just ONE note & version of the meaning to this tape. alotta people know me, have done business with me, have worked on music with me & the list goes on - but they know with anything i deliver without a trace of discomfort, disillusion or lack of respect. i make sure i deliver everytime, at any time. "Without A Trace: Beat Tape" - October 2010.

** i still have my photography/art project, "DigitalBerlin", in the works. its a project that i want to take my time with so that it means more than just photos & good music.. for all those who've been asking about it, its still on the way & i appreciate the support as well as the patience. **

*Ace

Lamborghini Dreams, Beach House Wishes.

*Ace

Lust for Life.

..i've got plans.

Man Fading.

lately i've been trying to figure out why exactly i still have this on my chest & what it really means when you feel so powerless.. how the people around you still don't see the bigger picture or understand how much work it really takes to be who i am. the more & more i've looked myself in the mirror these last few weeks, the more & more i see the colors fading. again, i can't give up but its like, i can give up on everyone else but myself, since i seem to be the only one who understands me & the world around us. i was once was told that "every superhero isn't equipped to handle every problem.." - they were right.

*Ace

Strength /// Recovery Day 15

i've been in recovery from my knee surgery i had 2 weeks ago & its been a task. i'm not use to having to wait to do certain things & certainly not use to being confined one area for hours at a time. i've had to put my pride to the side & allow others to help me out. i'm not stubborn but i've also been taught to do things for myself. i can honestly say i'm missing VA Beach right now, with everything thats going on & this whole knee thing, but i think if i were back in VA Beach right now, all banged up, i think it would torment me more knowing that i'd be in my known element & can't have any fun in it. i was told the other night that i possibly haven't gotten what i need to learn or gain from being out here in Dallas from my homeboy & after thinking about it for a few days, he's right. i've never been known to back down or give up on anything that i know i can overcome so its like, why start now? i've been through worse, down to actually being homeless - i should be able to handle a few mouths, slanted eyes, a couple screws in my kneecap & restless nights when sleep is important.

i've had plans set to be in Cali & now with a second option of Chicago. i miss VA but i don't think imma learn & get further in where i need & want to be if i go back home anytime too soon.. i believe there's a silver lining somewhere in all of this thats happened, going on & WILL be happening in the near future, so once again, i've exhibit some kinda patience. i know i can't take over the world right now & thats fine. thats been my plan since day one.. but for right now, as its been for the 18-20months, its all in planning, patience & persistence; having faith in knowing i've got the strength to handle all of whats going on. i found out not too long ago that even though alotta people don't know my story, alotta people look up to me & see me as inspiration & motivation. i gotta keep going for those who watch me to let them know that overcoming is possible.

*Ace

Steps.

last week was one of those weeks were you question everything up to the point that changes your views on things. the knee injury that i had last year - well, i reinjured it last week & damaged my other knee in the process of trying to save the weak one. i had to have surgery on it, which was the first time i had ever had surgery done to my body. i try not to recognize fear in any state, only to understand reality & the reality of it was, it needed to be done.

i now have screws in my kneecap holding it together, being that it broke in half upon impact because the tendon that allows a human to bend their knee, snapped/popped/broke.. so just imagine walking (or in this case, doing something once again, for someone else) & your knee gives, you feel a pop & you collapse.. shit is just painful thinking about it.

i spent about 4 days in the hospital & watched the world literally change on me, right before my eyes. i watched people change & reposition themselves in a corner that they left me standing in by myself, when they were the ones who invited me to stand in WITH them. i laid & thought about alot, as i always do on the go but there's something different when you have nothing BUT time - in THIS sense, i can barely walk & will be like this for the next couple months. i've come to terms with a few things & plan to progress forward with knowing with these new knowings, in the efforts of trying to understand & overcome them. personally, i believe i now have to watch my back a little more than i already & always was before because the walls have gotten a little thinner & they've moved a little closer in on me. pressure. i don't know what i'm gonna do but then again, i DO know what imma do, but i have to take each day at a time. for this injury happening to me must be a blessing in disguise, as some think, but all my life i've been TOLD that & its just another setback, times 10. i'm determined to make sure that this works FOR me & not against me "but my team is outta place", as Nickelus F would say. we'll see though.

*Ace

Mindstate.

i've found out in the last week or so that there still are people that don't wanna see you excel but also wanna run YOUR life FOR you - & everyone that knows me, knows thats not how i operate. i've been further cautioned & reminded that there still are people watching me; just as i was told in my younger days - that there's always someone who's watching you.. for you to stay ahead of curve, 2 steps ahead. there's always gonna be a set of people that wanna set an image FOR you instead of honoring & respecting the image that you already have. there's always gonna be people that know nothing about you but swear they've made you once YOU'VE made it on your own. i've seen a few things that seem to be happening or going to happen in the near future but i try to stay optimistic about any & everything because negativity just brings more negativity. in the end you can only do so much - just make sure what you do is more than the next person..

*Ace

Replenished.

for all that DON'T know, i own a graphic advertising & design business & i finally went official into it all last year. my company is Universia Media & last year was like any other new business - it was the foundation year; the learning year. i had to put it all down at the end of last year, coming into this year for some redevelopment stages & replenishing of resources. i had some things going on that were affecting my work & drive, but i've returned with a new mission statement & outlook on my creative services to the public. i decided to add a lot of new flare to my previous look, being that IN my time away from it all, i was learning new things, brushing up on my college education that had landed me into starting my own business & also putting together new & better innovative ideas in my appearance, as well as being responsible later for the creation of image for clients. come January 2011 (if the world & i are still standing), i'm hoping & looking forward to me & my business to be in full bloom, as well as this guy. he's given me words of encouragement MANY times over & one of the few that believe in me when others don't. Universia Media; endlessness.
*Ace

Light.

..they say time tells the best stories.. i'll make sure the photos have special effects.

*Ace

Slow Down.

today has been one of those days where after a key event i had on my schedule, i think i got ahead of myself. maybe i might had put all my eggs in one basket like i've done many times in the past.. i've just got so many plans for so many things. i've got so many ideas & their are key goals i need to obtain in order to fulfill those ideas & plans.. so i gotta slow down mentally & regroup so that the outcome i want is the outcome i get. yeah.. lets live.. cause sometimes we all need to slow down not only physically, but also mentally.

Hesitation /// Hi-Res

*Ace

Clutch.

i'm currently about to begin a project that fuses music & photography together. i had wanted to compose this kind of thing before a year ago or so but i didn't have everything in place but this time around, it should be a better setup. i was more worried about the music more than the photography, which is what this is going to be; 5 produced instrumentals by me & photos from 2 photoshoots that include me & another person. the project is entitled "DigitalBerlin". the title came to me from actually having a love for the city of Berlin, Germany & the atmosphere that it holds, from so many different declarated photographers that come from Berlin that have been all over the world & taken pictures in the fashion industry, from XXL to Vogue of all international genres. my love for music, its richness, its heart, melodies, composition & being a channel for emotions, makes up the 'digital' aspect of this project. this project may appear to be small when finished & issued but the art is what counts & means the most & if you're a real photographer/artist, you'll see it & feel it. stay close.

*Ace

Atmosphere.

got a chance to have a photoshoot with my girl today. feels good being able to spend more time with her, even though she sneezed without covering her mouth while my mouth was open AND forces me to cook all the time, lol. anyway, here's a few shots & you can check out the rest on my Flickr..

Nike Affair

Stay Tuned.

new posts coming soon. sit tight.

City Angels Interlude

Gone.

Declaration.

Steppin'.

Sessions with Lupe Fiasco /// Okayplayer TV

LEFTcoast.

Long Beach, California /// ..enough said.