since the new year has started, i think i've dealt with so many different things that its just ridiculous. i said i didn't want to come into this new year with stress or anything but thats all i've been dealing with. its been putting a strain on my plans & a few other things, killing my mental drive.. i've been under attack by people that i would have never thought would attack me. i've been under attack with the one person that i thought would lift that weight, but continues to add to it.. whats sad is, i don't if its intentionally or blindly. i've been under attack.. i can't stress it enough in words because the actions speak for themselves.i never knew or understood how writing about it all could make me feel a bit better about it but then again, i've found that not many people really want to listen to you, especially the ones that are suppose to count. i've witnessed so many fuckin' people around me, (male AND female that have names but i won't say them because they KNOW who they are) that have just changed on me for whatever reason that they'll NEVER be able to support & explain to me.. for whatever reason they'll NEVER be able to make sense of because there was no real reason for it from the jump.
"..they say they love me, i just hope they don't say that shit in vain.."
*modified line; origin - "The Calm" by Drake
i've been told so many times how important i am to them or how much they appreciate me, how much they "love" me & the actions from these people dont suggest that they love me or appreciate me or care about me the way they CLAIM they do & i honestly don't know what to do or how to feel about it. i'm just so sick of the lies that a few people have been giving me & they're suppose to "love" me so much. so many times in the last couple months that i've been lied to & what hurts so much is knowing that you weren't worth the fucking truth from the BEGINNING, to be told the truth. right.. "love". i swear i'm being punished for something behind it all but the kicker is, i've been thru too much - what the HELL am i being punished so much for?? smh.. all i wanna do sometimes is just disappear on EVERYbody because no one really gives a fuck forreal anyway. sometimes i think someone is really toying with me & is sitting with a gun waiting to shoot me.. well just DO it already. it aint like no one is gonna miss me anyway. fuck it. fuck it all..
*Ace
